Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.
He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
You know," he says," I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow Passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to
the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff,
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"



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A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,� what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."


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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

This horse on a farm goes up to the cow and goes, "I have a bigger dick than you" then he beats him up. The horse then goes up to a sheep and goes "I have a bigger dick than you" and beats him up too. He then goes up to the female cat and says "I have a bigger dick than you" and the cat replies "I don�t have a dick" then she beats up the horse.
The moral of the story is, no matter how big the dick, the pussy can always take it.



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Man sitting on a towel on the beach.
He has no arms or legs.

Three women walk past, feelling sorry for him.

1st woman: Ever been hugged?
He: No.
She hugs him and walks on.

2de woman:l Ever been kissed?
He: No.
She kissed him and walks on.

3rd woman: Ever been fooked?
He: No.
She: You will be when the tide comes in!



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> >
> >A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant,
>and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as
>she sits alone at a nearby table.
> >
> >The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
> >
> >"Yes," sighs the husband, "She' s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she
>took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear
>she hasn't been sober since."
> >
> >says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on
>celebrating that long?



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Eating the piece of fruit

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.

The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?"

"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."




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A Girlfriend Called Lorraine

There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..." I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..."

:D:D:D:D



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The Fishing Trip

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've wanted so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies, "I did. They were in your tackle box!"


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